Pondering a Decade
It’s my 31st birthday. 31 years… how is that even possible. When I was 30 I felt more like I was in my late 20’s… but 31… that’s something different. That’s being… OVER 30! This is really the first birthday that has felt this way since 21.
Every birthday since I was 21, I have tried to pause and take note of where I’ve been and where I’m going. I honestly can’t remember what my 10 year plan was back then. I don’t think my life is better or worse than I thought it would be… but it’s definitely different. It’s amazing the change that happens to a person over a decade. The strange thing is, I’m having a problem defining who I was… and who I am. Yes, I was a student, I was a boyfriend, a son. But have I really changed all that much? Students become employees. Boyfriends become husbands. Sons remain sons. The only thing that’s really new is fatherhood. Of all the changes over the past 10 years, being a father is the one that seems to have changed ME the most.
The question I’m asking myself today is… how do I define who I am?
When you meet someone for the first time, what do you tell them about yourself. Doesn’t it depend a lot on who they are and how you meet them? I met a man the other day at the mall. He had his son with him. So, naturally our conversation revolved around our children. We didn’t talk about our jobs, or hobbies. But what if we met somewhere else? What if we met at at a business conference. I wouldn’t have introduced myself as a father… I’d focus on myself as a professional. The me I would be defining would be different from the one in the mall. And that’s where I start to wonder… who am I… the whole package. When we are around the people we work with, don’t we act a little different than we do with our family… or friends. Am I more guarded in some places than in others… and why is that? Why can’t I be the same person all the time? Should I be?
One thing I have realized as of late… I try to be too many things. I try to do too many things. I try to please everyone all the time. Not a healthy thing really. And at the same time, I procrastinate in doing all those things. I have 6 websites that I’ve designed for 6 different reasons. I don’t really keep any of them active. So why do I keep thinking about adding more that will sit unused.
I don’t have any hobbies… any REAL hobbies. Well, yes… I get personal fulfillment from playing the online games I play. I get a sense of accomplishment. But it’s only in a virtual world. So in the end, it feels empty. Meaningless. The biggest reason for gaming is that it’s an escape. It’s a way to remove yourself from that to-do list in the back of your mind. It’s interactive TV.
My wife got me a guitar last year. I’ve practiced a total of 4 times now. Maybe it’s time I turned off the games and picked up a real hobby.